I needed a place to say this. The mountain tops I usually use to shout my news have been temporarily denied me. I hold no grudge and voluntarily agreed to refrain. So I have found a new mountain top. An old mountain top that I have long been away from. It's more remote and less likely to be stumbled upon. I'll shout my news, knowing (hoping) there's no one around to hear it.
It's not for certain and the lack of certainty has diminished some of my energy around it. There is yet another step to take and I'm nervous that I may not be up to the challenge.
TLBF may be moving to Hawai'i. I'm excited and I think it will work out, but there is still doubt. I applied and got an interview about 3 weeks later. The e-mailed communications gave me the impression that with the interview I would get a job offer. I was excited and confidant that the interview would go well. I suppose it did. I was invited to attend a hiring seminar that will be held in California. There will be more people attending the seminar than there are job openings. There is the possibility I will pay to fly to California, participate in all the activities, training, and role-plays and still not get the job. I'll just have to fly home and look somewhere else.
There is still the confidant part of me though. The part saying this trip to California will be fun. I'll get to visit family and friends, meet new people who will end up being co-workers, and play a bunch of games that I have gone to college to learn how to play. It's saying that I know what to do, I know how to do it, and all I really have to do is step forward and get it done. I will learn new things, practice old skills, and maybe even teach some people a thing or two. How will this not be fun?
It will be almost 4 days of sleeping, eating, training with competition for the same jobs. Almost 4 days of not knowing if I can actually trust these people to be friends. Almost 4 days of possibly being stabbed in the back because they think it will give them an edge in being hired. I'm not deceitful. I'm honest, straightforward, compassionate, and friendly. I don't want to be taken advantage of by someone.
I think this is the job that I need though. Although it is going to take a lot of time, stress, and money to move to Hawai'i, it is the next step in getting TLBF up and running. It will be a great learning experience for me and a place I think I can really make a difference. I honestly feel like I'm the perfect candidate for the job. Well, no, I feel like I'll be perfect for the job. Once I'm out there doing it, interacting with the students, I'll do well, I'll make a difference. I just have doubts that they will see it. I doubt that I'll be able to show them. I doubt that I'll be the perfect candidate even though I am perfect for the job (and the job is perfect for me).
So, I have to practice letting go of that doubt. Practice being confidant and outgoing. I have to get up and get moving and get things ready to move to Hawai'i because in the Spring that's where I'll be heading and there's a lot to do to get everything ready. It's time.